So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just google imaged poop.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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