Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
