There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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