all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
