Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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