I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
