went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
