no, he came in my armpit
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
