i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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