Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
