HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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