Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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