We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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