He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I love having hate sex.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
