dude i'm inner monologue high
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
