he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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