I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
