I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
