So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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