Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
