you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
