just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My vagina just clenched in fear
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
