The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
