guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
