did you get engaged???
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
