So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just invented taco cereal.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
