The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
