There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
