How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
