spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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