apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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