Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
