I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
