Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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