Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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