is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
