Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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