Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
