Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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