I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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