Just cropdusted the office
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
