I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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