I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
