oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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