You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
