I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
