Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I stole a fireplace last night.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just had sex on a roof
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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