dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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