So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
