Moan for me like Helen Keller
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
