he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
