id be glad to
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
