he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
