last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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